Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
