I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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