I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My bed smells like the plague
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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