well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
