the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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