You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
