Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
