Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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