The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
