i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
