i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
