I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
