why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
