Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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