dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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