Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
