Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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