Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
