i already hear my dad disowning me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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