yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
