She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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