Barsexuality is the new black.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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