I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
