Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
