laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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