Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
