Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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