i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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