How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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