We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
