I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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