I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
