i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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