I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
someone owes me an orgasm
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
