The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
