we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
