If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
