he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
