all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
