Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
