so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
