Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
