I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
