So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
