If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
