it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
