I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He shit in the fireplace
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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