We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
