Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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