i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
