Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
