walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
