he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
