And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
