I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Every concussion has its silver lining
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My life is pants optional.
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