Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
wow bdsm is so cute
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
