something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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