Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
