Got a toothbrush?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
