Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
