She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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