I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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