exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
