I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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