The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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