May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
