Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
there is glitter all over my balls
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
