dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
