yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
