Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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