Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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