But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
