C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
