im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
