I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
